


Catfishing

by moomooma55



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Catfishing, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Harry is a literal catfish, Somehow she’s essential to the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 07:16:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16090718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moomooma55/pseuds/moomooma55
Summary: Luna wants to find love, but bad things seem to happen to her, and she isn't safe on the internet





	Catfishing

**Author's Note:**

> So this was born of a text convo  
> That went a little like this:
> 
> Them :Catfishing AU  
> nvm that’s kind of abusive
> 
> Me:Not a catfishing Au where one is a literal fish
> 
> Them:Scalie 
> 
> Me:I’m totally gonna write that what paring do you want
> 
> Me:It will be truly terrible 
> 
> I said I would have it done in 1-3 business weeks and I’m honestly surprised that I did. But boom. Here you go man.

In which the author writes such a truly amazing amount of crack that it is a wonder that no one got arrested for drug possession

Well it wasn't all bad. Luna was an expert at looking at the bright side of things, and this particular experience wasn't her worst (or weirdest) by far. There had been that one time with the flobberworm... that one was a hard one to spin in a positive light. But she digressed. 

This particular occasion had started with her visiting some of her friends from school in a reunion of sorts. She had a good time, but something in the back of her head was bothering her. She finally got it as her former classmates started leaving in pairs. Oh. She was lonely.  
Not in the way that she had no one to talk to, she did. She talked most often to her father, who was a little over protective, especially after the whole kidnapping debockal last year, which he still blamed himself for, but she also was prone to starting up conversations with just about anyone or anything that stood still long enough. What she wanted was a significant other. Many of her classmates had gotten married, but she hadn't really had any major relationships during her school days. How was she ever going to find love?

She posed this question to her across the street neighbor one day (she lived in an almost quaint little muggle neighborhood) and finally got an answer to her question.  
"I don't know what your view of online date if is, but if you're willing to try it I can help you set up a profile." Said her neighbor thoughtfully.

Yes... this could work. After asking about what an online was (the neighbor in question was used to Luna's eccentric nature by this point) she set up a profile on Tinder.

"There's one other thing I should tell you Luna," Miss across-the-way said cautiously, "I'm not sure if you know much about internet safety, but there are some creepy, bad people out there. Don't put don't your address and..."  
It wasn't in Luna's nature to actively avoid listening to people, as others so often dismissed her attempts at contention as 'crazy rambling', but she had never been particularly good at staying awake during lectures.  
"... and watch out for catfish." Finished the neighbor.

What. She must have heard wrong. After a lengthy explanation of what a catfish was ("So you're absolutely sure they're not real fish?") she knew now that she had to be cautious. All thoughts of this flew out of her mind when she realized she had got some messages on her profile. And oh my, one of the users was exactly what she was looking for, a slightly athletic build with black messy hair and wide eyes, the exact shade her friend had once called "green as a fresh pickled toad". 

She clicked on his profile, trying to get to know more about him.

User: Boy_who_lived  
Description: Hey guys! My name is Harry Potter, and I'm looking for a relationship. I live with my Aunt and Uncle at the mo, so I'm kind of looking for a way out if you catch my drift ;). If not, then I'm looking for a sugar daddy/momma. 

Well, it wasn't much to go on, but Luna saw that he was in her area and had a good feeling about him. 

Luna-Lovely: hey

Boy_who_lived: what's up beautiful?

Oh my. How forward. But this was the person who had literally put that they were in need of money on their profile, and Luna had messaged him first.

Luna-Lovely : you seem pretty cool and I'm in your area, wanna go out some time? I'll pay

Boy_who_lived: you had me at I'll pay ;)

That was literally at the end of her message. Okay. She fleshed out the details with him a little more and they agreed to meet at a restaurant/bar the next weekend. Luna's neighbor thought she was crazy, but at this point who didn't? Anyway, she didn't like to judge someone when she hadn't even meet them yet, a produce of being picked on most of her live by people who didn't bother to get to know her. 

The days flew day, and before she knew it, Luna was standing outside the restaurant, about to go in. Wait? How did she get here so fast? Oh, that was right. Through the magic of the author's self indulgent time skips. She walked in the restaurant , ready to put an end to any, a ____ walks into a bar jokes (another thing she just didn't seem to get, much to her neighbor's chagrin) but encountered none. She made her way through the dimly lit space, looking for the specific booth-clothed-in-darkness that Harry had mentioned in a message. Ah, there it was. 

But wait, she was a little late already, and her date didn't appear to be here. What if he had stood her up? What if? She interrupted her own panicked thoughts and sat down at the table. It was only then that she noticed a fish tank seated opposite her. 

"Hello, I'm meeting someone here, so if it's not to much trouble would you consider moving" she asked politely.  
The fish said nothing.

"Wait," she said realization dawning on her "you are my date, aren't you?"  
Harry looked ashamed at himself.

"You don't look at all like your picture..." she trailed off. "Wait. You're a catfish, aren't you."

"Blub Blub blub" said Harry mournfully.

"It's alright, I was just looking for a meaningful relationship" she told him, while thinking to herself that she was right along. Catfishers really were actual catfish.


End file.
